


We're Counting On You, Lord

by BJ (darali_starscream)



Series: Supernatural B-Sides [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Baby is a brat, Dean is a Brat, Gen, Songfic, sam is a brat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 14:14:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29315418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darali_starscream/pseuds/BJ
Summary: In my headcanon Baby's a bit more tempermental than she is on-camera, and breakdowns happen often enough Sam has a routine down when it comes to busting Dean's balls over it.
Series: Supernatural B-Sides [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2153316
Comments: 2
Kudos: 2





	We're Counting On You, Lord

**Author's Note:**

> Song is "Mercedes Benz," written by Janis Joplin, Michael McClure, and Bob Neuworth, performed by Joplin on the album 'Pearl.' All recognizable intellectual properties are owned by their respective creators and holders of any copyrights or trademarks. This is a not-for-profit work of fan art and protected by Fair Use.

If asked, Dean Winchester will call his car the perfect hunter's car. Sure she drinks gas like water and doesn't do off-road, like, at all, and don't even ask about parking. But the pros -- bench seats for emergency sleeping, trunk big enough for a small apartment's worth of gear, all sorts of nooks and crannies for hiding spare cash and ammo, surprisingly inconspicuous for her size and age, able to cruise at 70 for days -- far outweigh the cons as far as he's concerned. Power, beauty, and able to bounce back from everything the job can possibly throw at them. They're a matched set, Dean will tell you.

If asked, Sam Winchester will point out that the car sticks out like a bobcat at a dog show, the air conditioning barely works no matter how much Dean screws around with it, its zero-to-sixty can be measured in days, it eats brake pads like they're potato chips, and why in the hell hasn't Dean upgraded the suspension because he swears he can feel the car crying whenever it hits a pothole. And with the amount of time they spend taking secondary highways, that's a lot of crying.

Most of his gripes get shot down with an annoyed glower and, "One word-- legroom." And Sam will admit, Dean's got him there. Getting stuck in Brady's Alfa Romeo Spyder had not exactly been the high point of his freshman year.

Questions about reliability will produce similarly opposed responses. Dean will swear on any holy book you hand to him that Baby's a perfect lady, never breaks down, never strands him in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night. Sam will make sure he's safely out of earshot and swear the damn thing's never completed a journey without going bang, ever, not once in the thirty-odd years he's been riding in it.

The truth of course is somewhere in the middle. Dean's been working on Baby since he was old enough to hold a flashlight steady and he's brought her back from scrap and spare parts more than once. But the flat fact of the matter is, the car's a blue-collar broad of a certain age who's lived hard. She has . . . quirks.

\---

**_bang!_ **

"What--"

**_cough_ **

"Aw shit--"

"Mmm?"

"Don't-- c'mon Baby, just for me, be sweet to me--"

**_sick revving noises_ **

"God _dammit._ "

"I think the car just gave you the finger."

"Don't listen to him sweetheart, he's just being a bitch as usual."

**_bang! car lurches hard enough to throw driver and passanger out of their seats_ **

" _Definitely_ telling you to go fuck yourself."

"Shut up."

**_crunch of shoulder gravel, engine stops_ **

"Well . . . at least it's not dark this time. Or raining. Or sleeting, Or--"

**_creak of door hinges, pop of hood latch_ **

"Sam, shut up."

"No, you know what? You're right. I will shut up."

**_pop of trunk lock, clink of tools_ **

"Because--"

**_dramatic clearing of throat_ **

"Oh no you fucking _don't._ "

**_humming for a note_ **

"Start that shit and--"

**_voice rises in pitch_ **

_"'Like to do a song--'"_

"Shave your head in your sleep--"

_"'--of great social--'"_

"Break every bone in your body--"

_"'--and political import.'"_

"Tie you to a bed naked and call that Becky chick--"

_"'Goes like this.'"_

**_thunking of a hand on a car's side panel_ **

" _Oh Lord! won't'cha buy me, a Mercedes-Benz? Mah friends all drive Porsches, I must make a-mends."_

"I will fucking _end_ you Sammy, I swear to God."

"Don't call me that-- _I work haaaard all my life time, no help from my friends."_

"Sammy-Sammy-Sammykins--"

_"So Lord! won't'cha buy me a Mercedes-Benz? Oh Lord! won't'cha buy me, a color TV?"_

"Sammycutiewootiepieface--"

_"Dialin' for Dollars is tryin' to find meeee. I wait for dee-livery, each day until three."_

**_dark muttering about home perms and dye it all bright fucking_ pink _I swear to God_**

_"So Lord! won't'cha buy me a color TV? Oh Lord! won't'cha buy me, a night on the town?"_

**_soft whine of ultimate suffering_ **

_"I'm countin' on you Lord, please don't let me down. Prooooove that'cha love me, and buy the next round."_

"Make mine a double."

_"So Lord! won't'cha buy me a night on the town? Everybody! oh Lord! won't'cha buy me a Mercedes-Benz? Mah friend all drive Porsches, I must make a-mends. I worked haaaard all my life time, no help from my friends. So Lord! won't'cha buy me, a Mer-Cey-Deez-Benz?"_

**_silence_ **

"Are you finished?"

**_a decidedly fiendish chuckle_ **

_"_ Just getting warmed up. _My car is a . . . "_

**_sounds of two grown men trying to seriously throttle each other by the side of the road_ **

\---

"So, you boys wanna run that by me again?"

Sam and Dean glared while the Sheriff of Minnehaha County tried not to laugh. She made a mental note to show Donna the video later. The best part had to be the both of them looking up guiltily as Jody barked, "GENTLEMEN," Sam in a headlock and Dean with a bloody nose.

They pointed at each other, "He started it."

\---

**Author's Note:**

> Oh, the song Sam started at the end is Psychostick's, "Two Ton Paperweight."  
> Feedback and constructive criticism welcome. darali_starscream@yahoo.com


End file.
